After my morning stent on Endor (aka Murder Mountain), I pushed north to the Oregon Coast (aka Chill Zone). The drive along the coast, although long and kind-of-slow given Oregon’s snail-pace speed limit, was stunningly beautiful. Like, literally every mile of the coastline is scenic. The State of Oregon wants you to know it too, offering endless turnouts and State Parks to view dramatic seascape after dramatic seascape. You could literally take two to three weeks just traveling this coastline and doing it right, stopping everywhere and taking in only 10-20 miles a day. As I drove north, I was crying to myself over all of the gorgeous spots that I was passing up. I will have to come back someday with lots of time and money…but for now imagine view-after-view-after-view kind of like these (and many that were way, way better):

And lots of kitschy roadside attractions like this one right here:

Eventually, I made it to my destination: Newport, Oregon, and I had a definite reason for wanting to come here!

Again, the theme of this trip is to try to re-connect a bit with my inner child. To try to feel a bit less like a (rapidly) aging man, and more like someone who remembers what it was like to be young. And before I was an attorney and educator in Northern California, before I was a ghostwriter for judges, before I traveled town-to-town advising boards and city councils, before I was a grad student at UC Davis, or a law student at Creighton, or an undergrad at UC Santa Barbara with my head buried in books, before I was a punk high school student in California and Iowa, even before my middle school days, I was an elementary school student living in La Grande, Oregon and for the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. And no, it wasn’t a lawyer, or a teacher, or a math nerd. I can’t even explain why I wanted to be it (maybe I watched Free Willy or Jaws one time too many), but I got up one day and decided that I wanted to be a marine biologist!!! And my parents, God bless them, entertained this insane fantasy of mine and planned a trip to Newport, Oregon for me to experience the ocean, explore tide pools, and go out into the Bay on a boat with a real marine biologist to witness and study the various sea fauna in the area.

And every bit of that trip was miserable! It was cold, dreary, the stupid geoducks looked inappropriate and spat water, my baby sister was crying the whole time, and at some point I almost for real died during a seafood dinner when I remembered fairly quickly into the meal that I was deathly allergic to seafood! That’s right, I wanted to be a marine biologist even though I’m allergic to fish. That’s how dumb kids are.

But at the same time, everything about that childhood trip rang a chord in my psyche to where it now generates extreme nostalgia within me. It was the first time my parents let me choose where to go on a vacation! And I got to explore a new world I was unfamiliar with, and do new things and see new environments that I had really only encountered in books and movies. It was exciting! So to come back to this spot today for the first time in approximately 25 years was definitely worth it, and definitely kindled something within me. I mean just look at this place:

For a kid, this is as cool as it gets! And as an adult, looking back on all of it, it’s still pretty awesome! From the beaches with lighthouses in the distance, to the tide pools I explored as a kid with my dad.

And also, I didn’t maintain my super-nerdy look from earlier that morning in Crescent City. No, I did Newport in style with my classic Jeff Winger…I mean Rob Taylor…look.

Yeah. I was looking cool, having fun, and ready to finish the day on top of my game. So with that, I headed up to Depoe Bay and had some pizza and a few beers while overlooking the sea. I was perfectly relaxed. Almost reconnecting with something akin to my younger self even! Then…it happened.

It was just past 5 o’clock and my phone rang. “Hello?” I asked. “Hi, is this Mr. Taylor?” a voice squeaked nervously on the other end. “Yes,” I said. “This is your hotel for the evening. We are just wondering why you haven’t checked in yet? We have a rule, and check in needs to be by 6 pm.”

Red flag number one. I have stayed at places where you can’t check in until after a certain time, but never have I stayed at a place that requires you to check in before a certain time. Nevertheless, I was still in good spirits from the good day, played it cool, cooperated, and told them I’d be there to check in around 5:30.

When I got to the hotel, I was immediately confronted by red flag number two: the front desk lady was…well…let’s say very laid back, and instead of a roomkey she handed me a post-it note with a door code on it together with a laminated piece of paper with numbers to call ‘in case of emergency.’ Hmmmm… So with that, I was shown my room at which point I encountered red flag number three, and with it all of my good-day vibes were shattered by what must be the most bizarre room decorating choice I have ever encountered in a hotel room. A word-to-the-wise for those of you whose job it is to decorate hotels: There is a fine line between acceptable, laid back furnishings in a hotel room and stuff that’s just creepy, and somewhere between the weird hammock sex-swing-thing and the salt crystal lamp in my room, this hotel crossed that line into the creepy zone.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is actually a pretty nice place (but for the odd furnishings, the post-it note key systems, and the check-in rules). It’s a cozy room, complete with a fireplace and a beautiful view of Depoe Bay. The room has its own balcony, and I will be fine for the evening so long as I avoid certain furnishings and this weird sticky spot on the desk where I’m typing this out right now. It’s just kind of sad because the place could be made so much better just by removing a few items from the room. It’s okay to be a bit eccentric in decorating a place, but there are rules people! I mean, I’m paying for this crap. I’m old dammit!

…

And I’m back to square one. Another effort to reconnect with my younger self fails. I guess I will try again tomorrow.

Cheers,

-Rob