I almost didn’t come here today. This morning I was absolutely prepared to bail on this last day of my trip and just head home. But I carried forward, and somehow standing here at the last Blockbuster Video left on this planet is a fitting end to this vacation.

Something has been percolating throughout my entire trip that has been telling me that my whole ‘reconnecting with the joy of childhood’ effort would ultimately fail. Maybe it was the work emails that continued flowing my way, reminding me of all that I would need to deal with in the office on my return. Or maybe it was the way-too-clear political divide that now exists in this country and that could be plainly seen as I traveled town-to-town. Or maybe it was that as I saw these places from my youth, I was reminded that my childhood generally wasn’t some joyous, great thing. It was a lot of poverty and a lot of moving back-and-forth across the country while my dad became a doctor and established his name. I had very few friends because we were rarely in a place for more than a few years and being the new kid time-and-time again is tough. So I became an introvert, and a reader, and a puzzle-solver, because those were the things that kept me busy and away from the fact that I was generally either alone or watching my sisters. That background and those skills have served me well in life, but they have also always made me a bit of an outsider and an eccentric, and to this day I still only regularly hang out with and talk to a few people who I would consider to be close friends. The concept of having many friends and a full social schedule all of the time remains foreign to me (even though I know many, many people at this point and know that I am loved and cared for as a professional in my community, and vice versa I love and care for my community).

So it was really painful, and things really came to a head at 7:30 this morning when someone who I considered to be a close friend and an important person in my life, called me out of the blue to let me know that she did not feel that I was all that close or important in her life, and that she thought I was weird for referencing her in my blog during this trip and putting so much emphasis on the time that I spent with her and not doing the same with other people (in her defense, she is far more extroverted than I am, so I guess it makes sense from her perspective, but I don’t think I would ever live my life the way she wants me to). Anyways, it really hurt and now I feel like I lost yet another good friend and important person in my life. So, with it not even being 8 a.m., I was well-reminded that my youth is over and that adulthood had fully replaced it. And, frankly, all I have ever known as an adult is the consuming task of trying to make a better world from heartbreak, broken promises, and the truth of economics, which is that everyone acts in self-interest. All I have known is that stubbornness of pushing on in spite of everything and making the best of bad situations. It is why I am a lawyer, and it is why I am good at my craft.

So what better metaphor than ending this trip with a visit to The Last Blockbuster, this stubborn vestige from a bygone age that refuses to quit even when the world around it has rejected it and moved on? It was a pretty cool place and was unapologetic in its existence and personality, just as I am unapologetic in my existence and personality. It also definitely brought some nostalgia vibes for those days of movie stores and tangible things, and made me realize how much I miss those things over an intangible internet endlessly offering instant gratification but never really providing any meaningful satisfaction. Things really were simpler back then in that not-so-long-ago, and maybe even better than they are now. But life is life, and all we can do is manage the present. Even if the present only allows for one, single Blockbuster Video and one me who is once again feeling alone in this world.

Cheers,

Rob