1/18/2022

Hello Blog Readers!

This morning I got up, got dressed, and drove from Arkansas to Tennessee. My time in Arkansas was for the most part fantastic, full of friendly people, and really gave me a new appreciation for the State and what it had to offer. Will I end up moving to Hot Springs, teaching and practicing law in Bill Clinton’s childhood stomping grounds? Probably not, but it was still a fun place to see and might be worth going back to one day for a summer boating vacation.

With my exodus from western Arkansas, I crossed over the eastern part of the State (which was incredibly flat and swampy) and once again ventured over the Mississippi River and into new terrain. This time my destination was Memphis, home of the blues, soul, and rock ‘n’ roll. Before getting here, I was warned by several people to be careful, as Memphis is notoriously rated as a dangerous place, with one of the highest violent crime rates in America. And you know what? Those people are right! It is indeed kind of sketchy here in Memphis.

Getting here, I had about 3 hours to kill before I could check into my hotel, so I decided to drive around downtown and explore. My first thought was “Wow, look at the riverfront!” which seemed to have a long, pretty, but unused walking path traversing alongside it. I thought maybe I would find a place to park and go wander the trail, but there was no ready parking to be found anywhere along the waterfront. I figured the lack of ready parking must be why the trail was deserted and decided to venture into downtown a bit.

As I ventured into downtown, I noticed that it wasn’t just the riverfront pathway that was empty. Pretty much all of the streets were empty, but for several homeless and the occasional tourist couple huddled close and trying to hurry their way to their next destination. “Great…” I muttered to myself.

I decided to find parking near the famous Beale Street. The parking garage I found had way too many signs in it warning vehicle owners to make sure to leave their vehicle locked and not leave anything of value. “Great…” I once again muttered to myself. My plan was to walk Beale Street, figuring that would be a more ‘touristy’ area with plenty of foot traffic. At least every picture I’ve ever seen on the internet of Beale Street showed happy people galore, lots of shops, bars, music outfits, and plenty of barbecue joints. But…Beale Street too was eerily empty, and the majority of places were closed. In fact, many places looked like they had been closed for quite some time.

I don’t know if it’s because of Covid or because Memphis has just deteriorated that much as a city, but after walking several blocks I decided that the vibe of downtown was just creepy and not worth it. I opted to instead go wait out the remaining couple of hours at my hotel.

Speaking of my hotel! 🙂

Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever felt the strong urge to sleep not in a hotel, but in a windowless faux hunting lodge located inside of a Bass Pro Shop? Have you ever wanted to stay in not just any Bass Pro Shop, but a Bass Pro Shop taking the form of a 30-story pyramid!? Have you ever had a hankering for the view from your room’s window to not be of the city that you’re in, but of a Bass Pro Shop store floor, with all of the fun, typical sounds of people wandering about the inside of a Bass Pro Shop? Have you ever felt the desire to carry all of your luggage through a Bass Pro Shop to make it to your guest room?

Then boy do I have a place for you! Ladies and gentlemen, the place I’m staying at is the iconic Bass Pro Shop Pyramid here in Memphis, Tennessee!

Believe it or not, this behemoth is consistently rated as one of the top hotels not just in Memphis, but in the South! It’s also the top rated Bass Pro Shop in…the country? On earth? I don’t know how many Bass Pro Shops there are…

It’s actually a pretty cool place! I’m having a blast here, and heck, I could even see my old law firm flying out here for an attorney retreat. There are signs telling you not to bother the ‘gators, there are at least three restaurants in the place, you can buy a boat if you want, and the views of downtown and the Mississippi River from the ‘pyramid-top’ bar and restaurant are phenomenal. And as for the hotel room? It’s dimly lit, full of antlers and dead animals, and otherwise decorated over-the-top masculine. Even the toilet is made to look like an outhouse, and each floor of the hotel comes equipped with a full bar and piano, because you shouldn’t have to walk more than 100 feet to make your way to the nearest bar. If only the little woman could be here to enjoy this with me. Oh wait…I’m single.

Wait, am I single because I opt to stay at places like this in my free time!? Whatever…

You guys, I think I’m just going to stay in the giant Bass Pro Shop pyramid for the rest of the evening. This place is like redneck Disneyland. Tomorrow, I’m heading to Elvis Presley’s famous estate: Graceland!

Cheers,

-Rob