1/9/2023

Hello Blog Readers,

It has been a hectic past few months, to the point that over the holidays I did not even have a chance to reflect on this past year or my goals for the new year. So I will do so now, and I apologize if this is a bit long and rambling.

As you may recall, 2022 started off with the second half of my grand tour through the eastern United States, kickstarting in Oklahoma City and zigzagging my way throughout the South. My tour of the U.S. was probably one of the best times of my life – I felt free, happy, and adventurous for the first time in a long time. The journey opened my eyes to many new places that felt like home from the moment I arrived – from northern Michigan to southern Texas, from Portsmouth, New Hampshire to Charleston, South Carolina, and who can forget Tennessee? The journey also got me back in touch with old friends, family members, and even some former students; and (by keeping this blog going throughout) it improved my writing, communication style, and outlook on life. In fact, I felt so inspired by the trip that by the end of it I resolved that if I had kids someday, my gift to them would be to finance a similar journey for their own lives.

Fall Creek Falls, Tennessee

I developed a simple philosophy during my travels; I was searching for happiness, and decided that the key was to find for yourself at least two of the following:

A place that speaks to your heart; a career that fulfills you; and a person that you love and who loves you back.

The journey helped me really discern where I was on those matters in my life. I knew where my heart was on love, and knew that it was going to be a long time before that heartbreak was resolved. I’m sure most of my blog readers know who remains on my mind and in my heart. I haven’t exactly been shy about it. So instead, I focused on finding a place that spoke to my heart and a career that fulfilled me.

Following all of my travels, really there were only two places outside of California where I could see myself living: Marquette, Michigan and San Antonio, Texas. I went with Marquette, a down-to-earth, four-seasons paradise nestled on the shores of Lake Superior.

San Antonio, Texas

Marquette, Michigan

Next, I focused on developing a career that fulfills me, which has been the more difficult task. I already knew the sort of things that made me happiest. I was happiest when I was in the classroom teaching, or outside the classroom traveling and writing about those travels. I also knew that I enjoyed mathematics quite a bit; in fact I generally enjoy solving math problems more than I enjoy solving legal problems. So, putting all of that together I decided to apply to Northern Michigan University here in Marquette, to start work on a master’s degree in pure mathematics. The school welcomed me with open arms, offering a full scholarship and TA-ship for the year. Back in March I was so excited for the opportunity and was already diving into my studies.

Unfortunately, the devil is in the details when it comes to shaping and making careers, and looking at the broader economy and inflation woes, I was starting to get nervous about whether my savings were enough to get me through a graduate program and onward to the next stage of my career (which I was hoping would once again be some balance of practicing law and lecturing math courses). So, I did the sensible thing and started looking for work. I’ll spare all of the details, but the process ended with me taking a job as the Executive Director of Stewardship and Development for the Diocese of Marquette, where to this day I am in charge of managing its nonprofit foundation and undertaking fundraising projects for Catholic schools and churches throughout the diocese.

St. Peter Cathedral, Marquette

The work has certainly been redemptive coming from Red Bluff where I watched the Catholic school where I once taught close due to financial issues, and in terms of job perks and benefits, the job really can’t be beat. But the job also came at a price. When Northern Michigan University announced its course schedule for my master’s degree, it was clear that I wouldn’t be able to do both the job and the course work due to scheduling conflicts. I decided to do the sensible thing, to remain with the job and keep income flowing through this unpredictable economy, giving up on the master’s degree.

I’m not sure it was the right decision, nor am I sure that it’s the one that gets me to the ‘happiness’ that I was chasing less than a year ago, because at the end of the day, my current position is not the sort of career that I was ever pursuing in life. The work has been rewarding so far, really rewarding at times, but my mom probably said it best when I took the job, “That’s great, but is it really what you want? I just don’t recall my son ever saying that he wanted to do that kind of work in his life.” So, I’m kind of just trusting in God right now, trusting that there is a plan in this strange turn of events that will make better sense in hindsight.

Anyways, a few other things also happened in 2022 that further threw me off of my original trajectory and ‘happiness’ philosophy that I had developed when moving away from Red Bluff. First, though fully vaccinated, in August I caught Covid for what must have been the 3rd or 4th time. But unlike the other times that I had Covid, this one was pretty serious. I was out sick and largely incapacitated for nearly three weeks, and even when I got better, I never truly got better. I’ve been suffering from long-Covid now for about half a year, going through symptom relapses every 4-6 weeks and all around having a near constant brain fog, tiredness, and weakness in my days that I have been trying my best to push through. And then, in December, my grandfather passed away right over the Christmas holiday. His death was a difficult one to watch, and it’s put my entire family in a somber mood going into this new year.

I attended my grandfather’s funeral last week, and while looking at his life in pictures, I noticed something. Here was a man, who though in pain in the final years of his life due to cancer and illness, who though never finding wealth or some glamorous, fulfilling career, who though never going on some big tour of the country to find himself, but rather spending his early adulthood fighting a war and watching people die, who though going through all of this painful stuff, was smiling and happy throughout. And I think you can see why in that wedding photo. He was happy because he had a companion in life, someone who grounded him and in whom he could share the good times and the bad. He wasn’t constantly having to try to figure out and balance the finances, the housework, and the cooking and cleaning all on his own, but had someone to share in those responsibilities. He wasn’t having to constantly question whether he was satisfied in his work and career, because he had so much more than work and career to greet him at home. Though I never noticed it while he was alive (indeed, his final years have been painful to watch), he really lived a wonderful life, and my grandmother was much of the reason why.

And so looking back on this past year, I’m now re-adjusting my philosophy a bit and setting goals for 2023. Yes, there is a lot of travel planned for this year, with trips back to the Bourbon Trail in Kentucky, back to Florida, and possibly even back to California. International travel too is in the works – I’m currently trying to decide on whether I want to make my big trip this year be one to Ireland or one to Japan.

But I also want to focus again on that ‘happiness’ philosophy of mine, and try to get my career back on track towards those things that I actually have a passion and calling towards. Whether that’s getting more serious in my writing or in me finding a way back into the classroom, we will see. I also want to re-define that ‘happiness’ philosophy of mine from last year. After attending my grandpa’s funeral, I certainly see another path to being happy that doesn’t require obtaining ‘two out of three things.’ I don’t want to spell this alternate path out, but after reading and looking at these old family pictures, maybe you can see it too.

Cheers.