10/18/24

Hello Blog Readers,

It is fall once again here in the Midwest. A year ago, I was enjoying the vivid colors and raw beauty of fall in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. This time around is a little more subdued, with me taking in the more practical and slow-moving fall season here in Nebraska. It nevertheless remains my favorite time of year.

It is also election season. In a few short weeks, we will know the next president of the United States. Usually elections are marred by what has been dubbed the “October surprise,” a shock event that turns the political lay-of-the-land upside down. So far (knock on wood), we have been spared the usual “October surprise” this election season. Instead, for me, the only “October surprise” that I have experienced has been one in my own life.

Let me explain: the past few months I fell into a great routine. I found work as a math teacher at Mercy High School here in Omaha, and the Diocese of Sacramento had me enrolled in a seminar designed for men discerning seminary, to carry me through the year. And so, for once my life felt stable and on a track that was developing into something for me – a true vocation! For the first time life was feeling a lot like how my life was pre-2020. I was happy – praying, teaching in my mornings, and then reading, writing, and attending seminars in my afternoons. All was well.

But then, a few weeks ago, the Diocese of Sacramento made some changes in their priest assignments resulting in a new vocations director for that diocese. The new director invited me to a Zoom conference last week where I spoke with him briefly and we exchanged pleasantries. I didn’t really see much gravitas to the conversation, but perhaps I should have. To my complete surprise and heartbreak, on Monday morning of this week I received a letter from the diocese informing that they have denied my request to go to seminary and terminated my enrollment in the pre-seminary seminar that I have been attending the past few months. The letter explained that on further review of my file, the diocese felt that I was too ‘unstable’ of a candidate to attend seminary, given my recent career moves and move out of the State and back to Nebraska. The letter carried harsh and immediate ramifications. I will never be a priest for the homeland diocese where I felt called. Like I said, the news was quite the October surprise!

I don’t hold the decision against the new director too much, as I can see how when I am a name in a file, my career history with three jobs in three different States in the past year alone can look more than a bit questionable. I just wish that he would have raised his concerns during our discussion though, as I feel that I could have assuaged them.

In any event, the news should have been devastating to me, but by happenstance the seminar I was attending up to the news breaking had been doing a deep dive into St. Ignatius’ Rules of Discernment. Taking what I learned and putting it to practice, I have been heavily relying on the Rules to push myself through this heartbreaking time, maintaining a persistent and stoic prayer life through the storm. My heart as a result is now at ease. I am in a good place spiritually and if this is God’s will, I accept it. My next step will be to discern whether I wish to try to apply to another diocese, perhaps this one here in Omaha, or whether this is a sign to put whatever this has been to rest and end my discernment of the priesthood. I must say though, my calling was so tied to geography and my desire to help the communities back in Northern California, that it is hard to envision seeking the priesthood anywhere else. This very well may be the end of my discernment.

More difficult has been figuring out how to break the news to family, friends, and students who have all been so wonderful in their prayers and support of me in recent months. In fact, I haven’t been capable of even discussing the news with them. Every time I try I just tear up and fall silent. As a result, most, including my own parents will be learning about what happened through this blog entry right here. Luckily, my parents are gone at a cutting horse event right now. We’ll probably discuss all that happened when they get back to town.

The one person I was able to tell this to this week was my school’s principal. She met with me in my classroom yesterday before parent-teacher conferences and immediately offered her honest condolences. She said that even having only known me the past few months, she could tell that this was a bad decision and that they were missing out on a great candidate. She further assured me that maybe, just maybe, a more full time position could be available for me teaching at Mercy here in Omaha in the next academic year.

So, that’s where I’m at in life right now. Needless to say, after the events of the past 12 months I don’t think that I will ever be returning to California (except to gather my belongings that remain out there in storage). The place dredges up too much pain, sadness in my heart, and feelings of dashed hopes and dreams. There is no nostalgia for it left in my heart, and I kick its dust off from my shoes. Instead, I will be looking elsewhere to the future. If this does mark a return for me to the civilian world, of course I am going to have to figure out over the coming months money, my career and what I am going to be doing moving forward. Ironically, whoever this priest is back in Sacramento, if he wanted my life to demonstrate ‘stability,’ he just created a whole bunch of unknowns for its future. C’est la vie. With uncertainty comes opportunity, and (on the brighter side as far as this blog is concerned) with this chapter now closed in my life, I promise more adventures and travel to come here on my humble travel blog. 🙂

God bless.

Cheers,

-Rob